WAMXC Hike
The new thermometer at the cabin wasn't accurate, so I was unable to dress properly for the race.
It was colder than the temperature for Start Green so I couldn't ski.
My bike was feeling anti-social
I don't know how to ride roads without pot-holes
I don't know how to ride roads without cars
I prefer riding the Ferris wheel at MN State Fair
I can eat more calories per dollar at the MN State Fair
New pavement dropping and twisting 2+ miles through hardwood canopied
Willow River Valley does not rival what I can watch on TV
Exceeding 41 mph and dropping a car does not interest me.
I can enjoy fruit pie and ice cream in the comfort of any restaurant
I've been sick all week.
I did not have a place to stay.
It was too cold for me.
They canceled the race.
I had a skate hat but it was a classic race.
I started at the back of my wave.
Ralph says my pelvis is too loud.
wrong wax
wrong skis
wrong flex
missed my start
it was raining
it was windy
felt sluggish
tired
someone stepped on my basket
someone stepped on my ski
missed the cutoff
i'm uncoachable
can't V1 to the left
can't V1 to the right
gained weight so skis don't fit
too cold
too warm
too much snow
too little snow
everyone else jumped the start
Wax:
- General rule of thumb: When in doubt, blame the wax!
- I didn’t have time to wax and raced on wax I have skied 300-kilometers on (at least)
– a very common one, but getting pretty old
- I spent too long time waxing my skis and my legs were very heavy during the race (a
good one, but shows that you need to prioritize differently)
- I missed the wax (yeah, sure)
- I waxed too cold
- I waxed too warm
- I waxed too thin
- I waxed too thick
- I miss-read the label on the wax and applied it wrong: pick between too thin, too
thick, too short (kick wax)
- I inhaled fluorocarbon and felt dizzy (that’s also why you glow in the dark)
- I used Dr. Zogs Sex Wax on my stick and that was a mistake
- I choose the right top layer but had the wrong under-layer
- I had the right under-layer but the wrong top-layer
- I used the wrong glide wax brush (one of the worst ones)
- I forgot to scrape off the glide wax (according to rumors this has happened to more
than one skier)
- I had great skis until the halfway point, but the wax wore off and they slowed down
(No I didn’t start to hard and got tired!) Among the top-ten frequently used ones. Isn’t this at the point when your lactates go
from 7 to 10 as well?
- My hotbox wasn’t working (what are we really talking about here?)
- I used an iron that was too hot (or not hot enough)
- The shop that waxed my skis screwed up (I’ll never use that service again)
- I lost the kick wax (I forgot to sand the kick zone and all the wax pealed off and
I have missed the fact that the sanding of the kick zone has been recommended for 30+ years now…)
- The coached missed the wax
- The coaches TOTALLY missed the wax
- My computer didn’t work (is that a part of your racing equipment?)
Skis:
- My skis are too soft
- My skis are too stiff
- My skis are too long
- My skis are too short
- My skis are too old
- My skis are new and not holding wax (yet)
- My ski bases dried up
- I picked the wrong ski pair
- By accident I raced on my (slow) warm-up skis
- I choose skis with the wrong grind
- I didn’t have the right rills
- I used my cold bases and should have used my warm bases (or opposite depending
upon the snow temperature)
- The speed trap didn’t work
- The coach told me to race on these skis (what a looser)
- I should have used my no-wax skis
- I have never even heard about “hairies”
The course:
- I took a wrong turn (everyone went straight and I went left)
- Not my type of course profile (prefer more flats, more uphills, tougher downhills
or similar – make appropriate choice)
- I never get to train on this type of tough course profile
- I kicked ass going uphill and lost all that time in the downhills (sure)
- The crash cost me several minutes (at least)
- The course was way too easy for me) I didn’t get to use my uphill capacity)
- I’m much better in longer races (or shorter)
Training:
- I was injured all summer and fall
- -I needed a mental break
- Work and commitments prevented me from training
- I didn’t train enough (maybe the only honest excuse?)
- It was too hot last summer
- I couldn’t get hold of replacement wheels for my rollerskis
- I misread my training plan
- My coach forgot to send me a training plan
- My training wasn’t specific enough
- I did too much distance and not enough intervals
- I did too much intervals and not enough distance
- I didn’t do enough strength
- I’m lacking speed (that’s all)
- I did too much weight training and not enough of the rest
- I started ski training too late in the fall
- I started ski training too late in life. I’m really a super athlete in everything
but XC skiing.
- Someone had told me that Pilates would replace normal endurance training – it
didn’t work
- The FasterSkier.com’s training camp was fully booked when I tried to sign up.
Snow:
- We have had a terrible winter – no snow before…(pick your date)
- We got lots of snow, but the grooming has been terrible
- The snow has been too warm (or too cold) for efficient training
Nutrition:
- My spouse is a terrible cook and I got an iron deficiency
- I’m low on minerals
- I overdid the Atkinson diet
- I had read that Viagra improves performance, but forgot how tight these lycra suits
are (it was kind of embarrassing)
Health:
- I ran out of EPO and couldn’t get new supplies of steroids in time.
- No one at the health club wanted to help me blood-dope
- I was sick for the longest time.
Choose from: diarrhea, pinkeye, gonorrhea, twar, mono, cold, flue, lepers, bird-flue,
cholera, syphilitics, and malaria
- I’m overtrained and undersexed
- My spouse is a nymphomaniac and keeps me up all night
- My heart stopped and I had to kick start it with my fist/give myself CPR
Psychological:
- I can beat everyone on Wednesday’s but I’m always tired on the weekends (no kidding)
- My brain shuts off when I put the bib on (The truth is that: half your brain shuts off
during warm-up and the other half shuts off when you are on the starting line)
- Mental training alone didn’t pay off as I had hoped
Warm-up:
- I warmed up too long and got dehydrated
- I didn’t warm up long enough and was cold when I started
- I warmed up too hard and carried too much lactate from the start (proves that you know
something)
- I didn’t warm up hard enough and felt that the start pace was too hard
- I forgot to replace all the fluid I lost during the warm-up and was dehydrated
- Warm-up is over-rated so I sat in my warm car until 2 minutes to start
- It was too hot to warm-up
Clothing:
- My shoes gave me blisters
- I overdressed and therefore got dehydrated
- I didn’t dress warm enough and got hypothermia
- I got frostbite
- I tied my shoelaces too tight
- My ski suit shrunk over the summer
- I sprained my big toe (true according to Gordon Lange)
- I froze my xxxxxx off
Add your own below!
SCHOOL
I had bad wax
It was a tough course
My poles are too heavy
There were wild animals blocking the course
There were wild spectators blocking the course
There was bad cheering
I have poor technique
My room mate was snoring last night
My sunglasses were foggy
My ski fell off/broke
I missed the start
I missed the finish
I got stuck in a fence
Fallen trees were blocking the course
There was a sudden avalanche
I had a non-motivational song stuck in my head
Nobody told me there were going to be uphills
Nobody told me there were going to be downhills
I was in a deep, philosophical self-discovery experience
I was attacked by a badger/bear
Our bus was stuck in a ditch
I was trying to keep my heart rate below 60 bpm
Small animals became embedded in my klister
I just don't buy into the whole idea of "competiton"
I forgot my windbriefs
I passed out and forgot where I was
I lost everything in a game of poker
I was pushed into a thorn bush
All the snow was gone by the time I got there
I thought we were waterskiing
My wax iron was set 1 degree off
I was too busy checking out hot guys in spandex suits
I was too busy checking out hot girls in spendex suits
I stopped for a quick snowman homicide
I gave this race as a sacrifice to the snow gods
The pitch of the cowbells was slightly too high
I'm just not a morning (afternoon, evening) person.
Where I live it is so hot, that my rollerski wheels melt and stick to the tarmac which
prevent me from training.
#1 I was holding in a giant poop the whole race so I couldn't go fast.
"I was still Drunk"
Boulder Nordic Sport
Get ready for the new race season: Excuses, Excuses, Excuses
By Torbjorn Karlsen
Fri Sep 08, 2006
Editor's Note: This is a reprint of one of our most popular articles last fall. We want
our new FasterSkier.com readers to be as prepared as our old ones for those less-than-stellar
race days. As you prepare for the new season, you should brush up on your excuses as well.
Not that you'll ever need them, of course....“I need to re-string my racquet, “I was tired
from football practice”, “I couldn’t concentrate”, I’m new to altitude”. ‘I must be dehydrated”…
- Our 13-year old daughter gave me the idea to compile a list over bad excuses for poor race results
in cross country skiing. She is involved in the local tennis program and I frequently hear about the
boy’s excuses when she beats them. I started to think that this sounded very familiar to what I have
heard over the years as a coach and competitor in cross country skiing as well. I might even have used
some of these excuses myself! So the idea occurred to me: Wouldn't it be easier to prepare for the
season by compiling a list of ready-made excuses, rather than training?
It’s a lot simpler to prepare for the season this way as opposed to drag yourself off the couch for
daily rollerski or running sessions. Distance training is one thing, but intervals – Ouch! And what
about the idea of getting your terrible eating habits under control? Don’t you hate the idea of less
beer, cookies and ice cream in order to lose some body fat and get fit?
So skiers from around the World “help us help you” by contributing to the very first list of excuses.
Add your own excuses at the bottom of the article.
Imagine how nice and relaxing it will be this winter when you have hundreds of good excuses figured
out before you go to the starting line. You can always count on FasterSkier.com!
Here we go:
Wax:
- General rule of thumb: When in doubt, blame the wax!
- I didn’t have time to wax and raced on wax I have skied 300-kilometers on (at least) – a very common
one, but getting pretty old
- I spent too long time waxing my skis and my legs were very heavy during the race (a good one, but
shows that you need to prioritize differently)
- I missed the wax (yeah, sure)
- I waxed too cold
- I waxed too warm
- I waxed too thin
- I waxed too thick
- I miss-read the label on the wax and applied it wrong: pick between too thin, too thick, too short (kick wax)
- I inhaled fluorocarbon and felt dizzy (that’s also why you glow in the dark)
- I used Dr. Zogs Sex Wax on my stick and that was a mistake
- I choose the right top layer but had the wrong under-layer
- I had the right under-layer but the wrong top-layer
- I used the wrong glide wax brush (one of the worst ones)
- I forgot to scrape off the glide wax (according to rumors this has happened to more than one skier)
- I had great skis until the halfway point, but the wax wore off and they slowed down (No I didn’t start
to hard and got tired!) Among the top-ten frequently used ones. Isn’t this at the point when your lactates go from 7 to 10 as well?
- My hotbox wasn’t working (what are we really talking about here?)
- I used an iron that was too hot (or not hot enough)
- The shop that waxed my skis screwed up (I’ll never use that service again)
- I lost the kick wax (I forgot to sand the kick zone and all the wax pealed off and I have missed the fact
that the sanding of the kick zone has been recommended for 30+ years now…)
- The coached missed the wax
- The coaches TOTALLY missed the wax
- My computer didn’t work (is that a part of your racing equipment?)
Skis:
- My skis are too soft
- My skis are too stiff
- My skis are too long
- My skis are too short
- My skis are too old
- My skis are new and not holding wax (yet)
- My ski bases dried up
- I picked the wrong ski pair
- By accident I raced on my (slow) warm-up skis
- I choose skis with the wrong grind
- I didn’t have the right rills
- I used my cold bases and should have used my warm bases (or opposite depending upon the snow temperature)
- The speed trap didn’t work
- The coach told me to race on these skis (what a looser)
- I should have used my no-wax skis
- I have never even heard about “hairies”
The course:
- I took a wrong turn (everyone went straight and I went left)
- Not my type of course profile (prefer more flats, more uphills, tougher downhills or similar – make appropriate choice)
- I never get to train on this type of tough course profile
- I kicked ass going uphill and lost all that time in the downhills (sure)
- The crash cost me several minutes (at least)
- The course was way too easy for me) I didn’t get to use my uphill capacity)
- I’m much better in longer races (or shorter)
Training:
- I was injured all summer and fall
- -I needed a mental break
- Work and commitments prevented me from training
- I didn’t train enough (maybe the only honest excuse?)
- It was too hot last summer
- I couldn’t get hold of replacement wheels for my rollerskis
- I misread my training plan
- My coach forgot to send me a training plan
- My training wasn’t specific enough
- I did too much distance and not enough intervals
- I did too much intervals and not enough distance
- I didn’t do enough strength
- I’m lacking speed (that’s all)
- I did too much weight training and not enough of the rest
- I started ski training too late in the fall
- I started ski training too late in life. I’m really a super athlete in everything but XC skiing.
- Someone had told me that Pilates would replace normal endurance training – it didn’t work
- The FasterSkier.com’s training camp was fully booked when I tried to sign up.
Snow:
- We have had a terrible winter – no snow before…(pick your date)
- We got lots of snow, but the grooming has been terrible
- The snow has been too warm (or too cold) for efficient training
Nutrition:
- My spouse is a terrible cook and I got an iron deficiency
- I’m low on minerals
- I overdid the Atkinson diet
- I had read that Viagra improves performance, but forgot how tight these lycra suits are (it was kind of embarrassing)
Health:
- I ran out of EPO and couldn’t get new supplies of steroids in time.
- No one at the health club wanted to help me blood-dope
- I was sick for the longest time.
Choose from: diarrhea, pinkeye, gonorrhea, twar, mono, cold, flue, lepers, bird-flue, cholera, syphilitics, and malaria
- I’m overtrained and undersexed
- My spouse is a nymphomaniac and keeps me up all night
- My heart stopped and I had to kick start it with my fist/give myself CPR
Psychological:
- I can beat everyone on Wednesday’s but I’m always tired on the weekends (no kidding)
- My brain shuts off when I put the bib on (The truth is that: half your brain shuts off during warm-up and the other half shuts off when you are on the starting line)
- Mental training alone didn’t pay off as I had hoped
Warm-up:
- I warmed up too long and got dehydrated
- I didn’t warm up long enough and was cold when I started
- I warmed up too hard and carried too much lactate from the start (proves that you know something)
- I didn’t warm up hard enough and felt that the start pace was too hard
- I forgot to replace all the fluid I lost during the warm-up and was dehydrated
- Warm-up is over-rated so I sat in my warm car until 2 minutes to start
- It was too hot to warm-up
Clothing:
- My shoes gave me blisters
- I overdressed and therefore got dehydrated
- I didn’t dress warm enough and got hypothermia
- I got frostbite
- I tied my shoelaces too tight
- My ski suit shrunk over the summer
- I sprained my big toe (true according to Gordon Lange)
- I froze my xxxxxx off
Add your own below!
Reader Comments - Add Your Own Comment
Dell Todd - Grand Rapids, MI, posted on Oct 06, 2005
I was reading FasterSkier.com when I should have been training instead !
Jesse Kosiba - Putney, VT, posted on Oct 06, 2005
SCHOOL, enough said!
Emily W - fairport, NY, posted on Oct 06, 2005
Two years ago at Lake Placid JOQs, a couple of us from the Fairport High School ski team came up with a similar list:
35 EXCUSES FOR A BAD RACE (BUT OF COURSE WE DON'T NEED EXCUSES)
by Matt Deady and Emily Wright
I had bad wax
It was a tough course
My poles are too heavy
There were wild animals blocking the course
There were wild spectators blocking the course
There was bad cheering
I have poor technique
My room mate was snoring last night
My sunglasses were foggy
My ski fell off/broke
I missed the start
I missed the finish
I got stuck in a fence
Fallen trees were blocking the course
There was a sudden avalanche
I had a non-motivational song stuck in my head
Nobody told me there were going to be uphills
Nobody told me there were going to be downhills
I was in a deep, philosophical self-discovery experience
I was attacked by a badger/bear
Our bus was stuck in a ditch
I was trying to keep my heart rate below 60 bpm
Small animals became embedded in my klister
I just don't buy into the whole idea of "competiton"
I forgot my windbriefs
I passed out and forgot where I was
I lost everything in a game of poker
I was pushed into a thorn bush
All the snow was gone by the time I got there
I thought we were waterskiing
My wax iron was set 1 degree off
I was too busy checking out hot guys in spandex suits
I was too busy checking out hot girls in spendex suits
I stopped for a quick snowman homicide
I gave this race as a sacrifice to the snow gods
The pitch of the cowbells was slightly too high
Dave Knoop - Park City, UT, posted on Oct 06, 2005
I was skiing behind Torbjorn one year at the Boulder Mountain Tour drafting him trying to latch onto a faster group. Just as we were about to catch them Torbjorn had somehow managed to ski on a pair of mismatched skis(one much shorter than the other) and eventually plants his pole between his legs and goes into a sprawling skid on his stomach for 30 ft. By the time he got out of the way the group was gone.
2. Some crazy Italian takes me out at the start of the Konig Ludwig Lauf 50k mass start, 35k later I notice my arm isn't working properly. At the finish when they pick me up, I howl because they picked me up by my broken arm.
Hunter Karnedy - East Calais, VT, posted on Oct 06, 2005
"I am a master" and "I smoke rocks"
Matthew Pauli - Anchorage, AK, posted on Oct 06, 2005
I'm just not a morning (afternoon, evening) person.
Bruce from Brisbane - Brisbane, NULL, posted on Oct 06, 2005
Where I live it is so hot, that my rollerski wheels melt and stick to the tarmac which prevent me from training.
erik hemstad - Brooklyn Park, MN, posted on Oct 06, 2005
#1 I was holding in a giant poop the whole race so I couldn't go fast.
#2 I ski for St. Olaf (or any other Minnesota college)
Zach Violett - Anchorage, AK, posted on Oct 07, 2005
I heard a great one at Spring Series by a special Norwegian
"I was still Drunk"
Torill Owen - E. Wenatchee, WA, posted on Oct 07, 2005
This exscuse covers it all in my book
I have an injury in my motivation.
It was so cold I couldn't ski fast!
"my underwear was too tight"
"It takes me a good 25k or so just to get warmed up properly."
"I walked into the wax room and saw every guy wearing tights. I got dizzy from all the gayness in the room."
